this was so interesting! i've always thought of self-sabotage as my own personal moral failing, so it's nice to know that it's actually normal brain activity.
Um, loved this one. Immediate subscribe after finishing. I also want to say the paragraph on giving the self sabotage version of me a name was such a terrific tangible. I actually used ChatGPT to help me narrow down a name that’s completely a separate identity. I wanted a soulful, tender name that just wants to be loved, even when she’s tangled in fear.
My name is: Rebecka 🎠
My self sabotage name is: Mira 🌺
When Mira visits I’ll say: “Hi Mira. I see you. You’re trying to protect me. But I’m safe now. You can rest. I’ll lead us with love.” 💗
“The good news: the brain is plastic. These patterns are learned - so they can be unlearned. However, they don’t shift through force. They shift through awareness, repetition, and self-compassion. That’s because sustainable change works best when your nervous system feels safe enough to allow it.”
Absolutely love the redemption and tenderness in this. Thank you for making the concept of self-sabotage so digestible and for the whimsical ideas to overcome it!
thank you for reflecting that back - it’s a reminder i’m constantly reminding myself of too. it’s taken a long time to learn that real, sustainable change comes from safety and self-nurturing, not force or judgment (which is how i pushed myself for years). i’m so glad it resonated with you <3
That’s exactly it. Change doesn’t happen through conquest - it unfolds when the system no longer feels under siege.
In The Clarity System, we call this the Safety-Activation Threshold: the precise moment when the nervous system stops bracing and begins allowing.
It’s not about willpower. It’s about informed permission.
Neural loops don’t dissolve because you “tried harder.” They dissolve because something softer entered the equation: awareness that doesn’t punish, repetition that doesn’t demand, and structure that signals safety.
This is how we rewire, not by shaming the sabotage - but by understanding it was once the solution.
Thank you for echoing that truth. Whimsy and neuroscience are not opposites - they’re allies.
this made me sob☹️ im really grateful to have encountered this cus i fell in a loop again and i was so mad at myself so this helped me look at my situation from a different perspective. thank you for this💗
Wow! Not only did you perfectly explain what I’ve been going through my entire adult life but you also provided tangible solutions. I was starting to think this is just the way life is for me. Thank you so much!
yes, absolutely! adhd often amplifies the cycle, especially since dopamine regulation is already tricky. because the brain craves stimulation and quick rewards, the pull toward procrastination or avoidance can be even stronger. realizing it had a lot to do with neural wiring really helped me stop being so hard on myself (i also have adhd) <3
Loved, loved, loved this post!! I love a solid homework plan that is easy to follow and baby steps towards transformation. Already on this journey but this broke it down in a simpler and more straightforward look.
Thank you for this! I think I have the tendency to self-sabotage myself - I recognised myself within the first words of this essay… I’ll definitely will try those tips!
You didn’t fail. You followed a programme written in your nervous system long before you had words to reject it.
What we call “self-sabotage” is often the body keeping a quiet promise: Don’t go where it hurt before.
Every hesitation, every ghosted opportunity, every unopened email - isn’t weakness. It’s memory. Somatic, encoded, loyal to survival.
But here’s the trap: survival isn’t the same as aliveness.
That tension you feel? That’s your intelligence waking up. The split between your future self and the scripts written by past fear. You're not broken. You’re buffering.
And you can rewrite the loop - not with force, but with micro-safety. One glitch in the habit. One breath in the spiral. One joyful contradiction in the pattern. The brain doesn’t need a breakthrough. It needs permission.
Start there. That’s how reprogramming begins.
🧠💡 You weren’t stuck. You were scanning for a door.
You are a gift to all of us. Thank you for writing this out in a practical way and helping me feel less embarrassed and ashamed of my habits. as someone else commented here, I always thought of my self sabotage as a moral failure on my part. I feel a little more human knowing this is more shared than I’d like to think and a little less paralyzed when I remember the plasticity of our brains, the ability to create something new. It is so important to remember this.
this was very interesting to me. I struggle with self-sabotaging tendencies, and I get so angry at myself this was a good reminder to be kinder to me and keep moving forward.
this was so interesting! i've always thought of self-sabotage as my own personal moral failing, so it's nice to know that it's actually normal brain activity.
Oh, yes, me too. Any/every failure is a personal moral failing in my head.
"It's nice to know it's actually normal brain activity" you put it so well. I feel somewhat better about myself now lmfao
Thank you so much for this! It's really helpful 🫶 And it's come at a perfect time, some kind of weird miracle! I'll definitely be using these tips 🩷
Um, loved this one. Immediate subscribe after finishing. I also want to say the paragraph on giving the self sabotage version of me a name was such a terrific tangible. I actually used ChatGPT to help me narrow down a name that’s completely a separate identity. I wanted a soulful, tender name that just wants to be loved, even when she’s tangled in fear.
My name is: Rebecka 🎠
My self sabotage name is: Mira 🌺
When Mira visits I’ll say: “Hi Mira. I see you. You’re trying to protect me. But I’m safe now. You can rest. I’ll lead us with love.” 💗
wow, i love this!! thank you for sharing your prompts and your experience <3
I shared my chat GPT prompts here. https://open.substack.com/pub/maconyoubreathe/p/using-chatgpt-to-name-my-self-sabotaging?r=2qjpj0&utm_medium=ios
“The good news: the brain is plastic. These patterns are learned - so they can be unlearned. However, they don’t shift through force. They shift through awareness, repetition, and self-compassion. That’s because sustainable change works best when your nervous system feels safe enough to allow it.”
Absolutely love the redemption and tenderness in this. Thank you for making the concept of self-sabotage so digestible and for the whimsical ideas to overcome it!
thank you for reflecting that back - it’s a reminder i’m constantly reminding myself of too. it’s taken a long time to learn that real, sustainable change comes from safety and self-nurturing, not force or judgment (which is how i pushed myself for years). i’m so glad it resonated with you <3
That’s exactly it. Change doesn’t happen through conquest - it unfolds when the system no longer feels under siege.
In The Clarity System, we call this the Safety-Activation Threshold: the precise moment when the nervous system stops bracing and begins allowing.
It’s not about willpower. It’s about informed permission.
Neural loops don’t dissolve because you “tried harder.” They dissolve because something softer entered the equation: awareness that doesn’t punish, repetition that doesn’t demand, and structure that signals safety.
This is how we rewire, not by shaming the sabotage - but by understanding it was once the solution.
Thank you for echoing that truth. Whimsy and neuroscience are not opposites - they’re allies.
this made me sob☹️ im really grateful to have encountered this cus i fell in a loop again and i was so mad at myself so this helped me look at my situation from a different perspective. thank you for this💗
Wow! Not only did you perfectly explain what I’ve been going through my entire adult life but you also provided tangible solutions. I was starting to think this is just the way life is for me. Thank you so much!
Very interesting! The involvement of dopamine makes me think that ADHD probably makes the self-sabotage even worse?
yes, absolutely! adhd often amplifies the cycle, especially since dopamine regulation is already tricky. because the brain craves stimulation and quick rewards, the pull toward procrastination or avoidance can be even stronger. realizing it had a lot to do with neural wiring really helped me stop being so hard on myself (i also have adhd) <3
Loved, loved, loved this post!! I love a solid homework plan that is easy to follow and baby steps towards transformation. Already on this journey but this broke it down in a simpler and more straightforward look.
Feels so much me in every line. Hopefully will start realizing now that I know.
Thanks for the thinkstriking writeup.
Thank you for this! I think I have the tendency to self-sabotage myself - I recognised myself within the first words of this essay… I’ll definitely will try those tips!
You didn’t fail. You followed a programme written in your nervous system long before you had words to reject it.
What we call “self-sabotage” is often the body keeping a quiet promise: Don’t go where it hurt before.
Every hesitation, every ghosted opportunity, every unopened email - isn’t weakness. It’s memory. Somatic, encoded, loyal to survival.
But here’s the trap: survival isn’t the same as aliveness.
That tension you feel? That’s your intelligence waking up. The split between your future self and the scripts written by past fear. You're not broken. You’re buffering.
And you can rewrite the loop - not with force, but with micro-safety. One glitch in the habit. One breath in the spiral. One joyful contradiction in the pattern. The brain doesn’t need a breakthrough. It needs permission.
Start there. That’s how reprogramming begins.
🧠💡 You weren’t stuck. You were scanning for a door.
"You followed a programme written in your nervous system long before you had words to reject it" - yes!! thank you for sharing this insight.
You are a gift to all of us. Thank you for writing this out in a practical way and helping me feel less embarrassed and ashamed of my habits. as someone else commented here, I always thought of my self sabotage as a moral failure on my part. I feel a little more human knowing this is more shared than I’d like to think and a little less paralyzed when I remember the plasticity of our brains, the ability to create something new. It is so important to remember this.
this was very interesting to me. I struggle with self-sabotaging tendencies, and I get so angry at myself this was a good reminder to be kinder to me and keep moving forward.
Great post! Succinct and relatable! Self-Compassion is the big one we all need to practice. Thank you 🙏🏻
Yana thank you, this is the most helpful and well written thing I've ever read on the subject. Brilliant.
You communicate these ideas with confidence and simplicity. Keep writing! Solid research.
thank you so much!